question 4

I consider myself
a nice person
and
have lately been
feeling that people
do not respect me
for it. On the other
hand, when it
comes to relation-
ships, I was one
to speak my mind
and this led to a lot
of arguments and
bad feelings. I
decided to change
and not argue with
men anymore as
you just can't get
anywhere with it.
So what's the
answer? I don't
find that either
way works.
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James:
Youíre right—good relationships donít come from trying to be forthright with people who canít handle it, nor do they come from being overly accommodating. Candid communication is essential for healthy relationships. Those of us who are transforming our hearts and lives cannot afford to keep people close to us who canít tolerate conflict and openness. This means you have to be committed to either changing bad relationships or ending them. Ending a relationship requires great courage and is one of the most difficult challenges for a Chronically Nice person. Get support from a few trusted close friends, and try to keep in mind that you are creating some things in your life that you really need: security, respect, compassion, and love.
     

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