question 2
Why do Nice
People always

seem to get
hurt in romantic
relationships?
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Craig:
It comes from having dual expectations going into a relationship. Overtly, the Nice Person has, what do you call it?
James:
Idealized ...?
Craig:
Yeah, idealized expectations. In our book and workshops we refer to this as the Goddess/Prince Construct. Nice People are looking for a Goddess or Prince to sooth their anxiety, to be their rapturous soul mate. In the meantime, subconsciously, Nice People are figuring on getting their butts kicked. They believe they will have to carry the burden of the relationship for both people, that their not going to get their needs met, and that ultimately they will be abandoned.
James:
Exactly. These dual expectations may lead Nice People to choose a partner who is easy to idealize, who is also unlikely to treat them well. Not only that, but Nice People's clinging and idealizing, combined with their underground anger, eventually will make the relationship a pretty uncomfortable place for the partner.
Craig:
There’s something in here about how the partner looks down on the Nice Person.
James:
Loss of respect.
Craig:
It's self-fulfilling expectations.

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