question 1
I'm just realizing
I'm a Nice Person.

I don't like the way things are going and I want to change. Where should I start?
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Craig:
You've already started. Realizing that you're a Nice Person is the first crucial step. The next step is watching how that realization, that Niceness, affects every part of your life: your thoughts, your feelings, your body, your interactions—
James:
We believe that the practice of awareness is the most indispensable tool for transforming your life. Now, when you're looking for dramatic change, simple awareness may seem tame.
Craig:
But its power is immense.
James:
If you've recently discovered that you're a Nice Person, you've done that by noticing a chronic behavior pattern.
Craig:
Suppose that every time you go to the movies with someone, you make every effort to find out what movie they want to see and accommodate their preferences.
James:
Noticing that much is great, and opens up a universe of choices. You can follow your awareness to study what emotions you felt when you gave up your choice. Most likely you felt more than one thing. Perhaps there is some anxiety that your friend will be unhappy with you. You may also feel some anger or resentment about a lifetime of getting leftovers.
Craig:
You might notice how your body reacts when you're feeling these emotions. Where's the tension, the pain, the numbness?
James:
It's also really useful to notice the train of thoughts that accompany these feelings. Some of those thoughts may seem quite irrational once you're paying attention. But your transformation comes in part from studying them.
Craig:
Whoah!
James:
Huh?
Craig:
I've always wanted to say that. Now, let's get back to the original question. Where should they start?
James:
We've just reviewed the most important place to start—awareness. So let's mention a few other indispensable resources for transformation.
Craig:
Psychotherapy is a great option. Also developing some kind of physical practice.
James:
You mean like the shot put.
Craig:
No water ballet. Seriously, whatever floats your boat. Working out, massage, martial arts, team sports, acupuncture—it will be a crucial part of your transformation.
James:
And it is important to develop strong same-gender relationships.
Craig:
These are all good places to start to change.

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